Getting Naughty at the Gym

This post is not for our mothers.  We shall use an anonymous color so as to protect the author’s identity.

Brutish, or sometimes not-so-brutish men lifting weights at the gym and grunting… do you ever close your eyes and pretend you’re hearing bedroom noises?  Well, I certainly don’t because I’m for some reason really turned off by the sweaty men at the gym, even if they’re Star Wars-loving, plaid-wearing, wood-chopping literati in real life (as opposed to gym life).  I’m especially turned off if they’re doing bicep curls with 5lb weights while I’m rocking at least 15’s (still not much).  Future Jeopardy category? Gym Grunt or Bedroom Grunt: Alex will play the sound, and you identify.  What is a bedroom grunt, Alex?

And then there are the exercises that look a lot like night moves.  Do I want to wear my spandex pants, lay down in a room full of sweaty strangers and hump up in the air whilst grunting? 

Well, probably yes, especially if it leads to the infamous coregasm.  Before I first read about this, I thought I was a freak of nature, but Women’s Health Magazine affirmed it for me: some women can have orgasms while exercising their core/quads.  Theory being, exercise stimulates dopamine and endorphins.  Check!  Core exercises tense up quads, inner thigh muscles, and pelvic muscles.  Check! And BAM. Good thing for me, because before this discovery, you couldn’t pay me to do a core exercise.  So I guess I prefer incentives in the form of sexual favors?  Provided by gym equipment? Hey, Leg Lift Machine, you lookin’ real good.  Plus, there are no strings attached with inanimate objects. 

Now that you know, don’t follow us to the gym to see who quietly trembles and sighs while on that second set of leg lifts.

Hearts and Farts/GIT IT.

5 thoughts on “Getting Naughty at the Gym

  1. I wasn’t supposed to read this? I am the Barbie pornographer! Ellen wrote it anyway, I can tell. Keep up the good work. PS I am telling Ellen’s mom about coregasms.

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