Sorry we’re making you wait so long for our Meltdown results. It’s always better if you have to wait for it, right? Unless you build it up too much and end up with a baby nine months after your wedding day. But we promise you, this will not happen (neither disappointment nor pregnancy).
There is a whole room abuzz with chimpanzees tallying results at the Y, working tirelessly to identify the winners. They are even wearing suits, just as you may have pictured them. Business suits or 80’s track suits. Each equally adorable and comical, so allow your mind’s eye to choose according to your preferences. So anyway, we are victims of suspense right along with you.
Sure, I can leak a little information. I can say that I lost about small cat’s worth of body fat, and gained a bunny rabbit’s worth of muscle. That’s a swift, agile, wild rabbit, by the way, and a lazy, chubby house cat for the former. The kind that demands Fancy Feast and has no interest in playing with little felt mice. I know it’s not as dramatic as the infomercial people who lose whole people, but we can’t really afford to disappear. There are too many travels yet to be taken, lovers left to love, and cheeseburgers/malts/french fries to eat in moderation!
A visual representation of me cuddling with my lost chub. His name is Snowflake; rescued as a kitten after being thrown out of a truck on a cold and blustery winter’s day. Today, he is a sweet, temperate, and well-mannered feline friend. There! Now I have copy to submit to the Humane Society. See ya in hell, Snowflake! Oh, man. I can’t even joke about giving him away without my heartstrings tensing up in knots. Is this becoming a cat blog? CONCLUSION: It’s much easier to part with body fat. And there is always someone around who will (unknowingly) adopt it for you.
P.s. We should know the winners by Wednesday.