Okay, so you may have noticed that we’ve been a little MIA since this competition thing ended. This was in part because we had to wait so damn long for the final results. During that nerve-racking time, we drank some beers, ate some fried things, and bit our nails down to the nub. Then the other part, I suppose, is that laziness breeds laziness. But hey! Fitness breeds activeness! Now we’re back, Phoenix from the ashes, blah blah.
I will just glance over the sad news. We did not win the Meltdown. We did not even place in the Meltdown. The wound is still oozing pus, so maybe that’s why it’s taken a while to report. 11th out of 17 teams. Boo. But we did everything right! We have some conspiracy theories weighing heavily in our minds regarding scoring. But it was probably due to the fact that we were the saucy minx-iest pair to enter the competition, and if final results are based on pounds of fat and inches of waist lost, we didn’t have enough to start out with! Sure, if I weighed 300 lbs. and stopped drinking the 4 liters of coke I normally consumed in a day, I would lose way more weight and inches than a slightly plumpy, healthy-eating girl who works on her feet all day (but loves her a cookie every now and again).
Competition bit over. Real point is that: Whatever! We each lost 1.75″ of waist and about 4% of our body fat, putting us back into the Perfect 24% body fat range. Awesome! We’re ladies. We need to carry a saucy amount of child-bearing chub. Plus, we’re into being somewhat voluptuous (but not “volumptuous”, as many of the kids mispronounce it these days. Sure, the “lump” in there illustrates the word a little bit, but no. My next blog will be about grammar… after the cat blog that is).
You want the full disclosure that we promised? But wait, do you really want complete transparency in the government? Well, hell! We’re on it! Time to put promises in bold so we don’t forget. Numbers are daunting to me, but we’ll make a chart, nay a GRAPH of our personal results! Time to bust those graphic design skills on out! You can end a sentence with a preposition for effect. We also made a before video of 360 Degrees of Love Handles (that’s my Neil Young cover band name, don’t steal it). You can put grammar commentary and future band names in italics. We will record the after video and put the whole shebang on YouTube!
Bold ATTACK: We will not spend
five three consecutive days drinking! We will not eat buckets of happy hour fried things on beautiful summer rooftops (that was a painful one to write)! We will get another body composition reading (way more informative than a Tarot reading) in 6 weeks! I will weigh the amount my Driver’s License claims! We will design inspirational workout posters! We will find dogs to borrow and walk! We will bike everywhere! We will be all-sweat all the time! We will revive our Twitter account (@2girls4chins)! We will try to blog three times a week! We will find a way to save some obese, couch potato children! We will meet Michelle Obama! We will get a book deal by the end of the summer! That last one should be extra bold. Move over, Amy Sedaris.
Final Grammar tip: ellipses… are fun!