Yoga (Camel)Toes

After three weeks of hardcore yoga Groupon usage, I am officially a wannabe yogabitch.  “Yogabitch” is a term reserved for those upper crusters who take lengthy measures to center their Oprah-inspired spirits by taming their freakishly mailable bodies in swass-inducing temperatures while wearing $95 stretch pants.  My pants today, however, were a mere $11 from the little girls department at Target.  And yes, they showed off my ankles quite nicely. 

At least three times a week I attend one of the metro area’s hottest (literally and figuratively) yoga studios to stretch and center my super f*ed up chi in all sorts of exciting ways.  The way this is achieved is by sweating my lady bits off in a dimly lit room, ambient music preferred, for one hour a day.  And guess what – it’s fun. 

Here’s what I love:

  • I get to stretch, crack, and pop all sorts of mysterious places/bones
  • I feel more awake during the day
  • No traffic headed downtown at 5:30am for early morning classes 
  • I’m kind of good at headstands (toot, toot)
  • Surprise farts from time to time – none from me yet
  • I get to eat an entire cheesecake after class (as a reward for going)
  • Overall great teachers and ambiance
  • I get to listen to this song every Tuesday and Thursday

 

Here’s what I don’t love:

  • Classrooms that smell like piss/armpit/crotch mold *coughUptowncough*
  • I look hot (literally)
  • Being next to a man in class – they scientifically sweat more and smell worse than women
  • My medically short hamstrings will never stretch out
  • Hot (figuratively) yogabitches distract me
  • Intense focus on breathing – too hard.
  • Post-workday classes are packed to maximum capacity thus increasing room temperature, distractions, and unpleasant odors.

 

The yoga journey continues for another week or two until my Groupon ends.  This saddens me, so I may end up forking over $$$$ in order to strengthen my chances of becoming Queen Yogabitch.

Hearts & *Downward Dog(gie Style) Farts

 

 

* For you, KAH

** PS I don’t actually  eat an entire cheesecake after every class.  Wish I did.

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3 thoughts on “Yoga (Camel)Toes

  1. My favorite pose! 🙂 I miss yoga so much. and I’m glad you are becoming as addicted as I once was. We should start looking for studios and using the free week benefit!

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