(Bearded) Clam Cabin Weekend: Pumbaa, Not in Front of the Kids

It was just what I needed – what we all needed, in fact.  A summer weekend shacked up in picturesque northernWisconsin with thirteen babes, friendship bracelet supplies, and enough beer to keep a girl bloated for a fortnight.  Ring the alarm, Christina!

It’s not often enough that we drop everything and force ourselves into potentially high-stress/volatile/rage-inducing situations with the hopes of having “the best time ever.”  The gamble paid off this past weekend, however, and beat the odds as it ended up as one of the best times ever.   

There are many reasons why this estrogen-saturated cabin retreat was a smashing success:

  1. During the 2.5 hour roundtable catch-up session on the first night, we laid it all on the table – laughter and tears.
  2. The rain on Saturday forced us to stay inside, play games, talk, and make/trade friendship bracelets.  Bouts of creativity, discussion, and “who would you rather do…” make for great rainy day/quality activities.
  3. We cleared out a bar of ClamLaketownies when we ended up at a local watering hole hosting $1 happy hour just down the street from our cabin. “Are you with the bible camp?” the bartender asked us. If you consider us from the Bible Camp of Fuckin’ Fun, then yeah!  Our immediate unpopularity turned into popularity when multiple crops of fine locals decided to patron the bar again and stare at our city-dwelling faces/boobs.
  4. Everyone took part in making and consuming fantastic food and drink.
  5. People were encouraged to do whatever they wanted to do.  Read Anthony Bourdain’s Kitchen Confidential with a cup of on the deck? OK!  Eat fistfuls of mint Oreos? YEAH! Dance to Robyn and shoot billiards? DUH! Make a continuous single shot music video of Guns N’ Roses’ “Welcome to the Jungle”? DONE!  Sit around a campfire and figure out each person’s Disney character?!  Well…

Sarah is definitely Snow White! And Leah is Cinderella, for sure. Oh, Julie! Julie, you’re Nala from The Lion King.

I know! Ellen is that annoying bird from Aladdin. Ahhhhahahhaha Iago!  Oh, and she’s Ursula! Not earth Ursula, the under water Ursula.  Oh, oh!  Or she’s Scuttlebutt or whatever from The Little Mermaid.  What about Pumbaa!!  She’s Pumbaa too!  Ellen is every Disney character!

 

In stunned silence, my mouth hung open as my eyes darted death rays around the campfire (please refer to my post regarding rage-inducing coworkers).

Amy, you’re Sleeping Beauty. Everyone awed with approval except Amy who somberly replied, Oh, that means I’m boring.

REALLY, AMY?!?! YOUR DISNEY CHARACTER IS A PRINCESS BABE WHO ENDS UP WITH A STRAPPING TDH* AND LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER.  AT LEAST YOU’RE NOT A MYRIAD OF DISNEY’S MOST COMICALLY ANNOYING OR CHUBTASTIC CHARACTERS FROM THE EARLY 1990S.  NOTICE HOW MY DISNEY CHARACTERS, TWO OF WHOM ARE EVIL, MORE THAN LIKELY DIE ALONE.

In a pathetic attempt to redeem themselves from my shit list, my “friends” attempted to change their collective mind and say that I’m Jasmine.  WRONG.  There are no take backs in the game of Disney.

To sum it all up, I hate my friends.  JUST KIDDING, OF COURSE.  I love my friends more than all of the animation powerhouses combined…even though I know how they really feel about me now.  As long as we continue to take annual cabin trips and they’re by my side when I’m dying alone on a bed of molted feathers squirting ink from every orifice as flatulence floats me up to heaven, I’ll forgive them.  Amen.

 

*TDH = tall, dark, and handsome

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