Ellen’s Top 4 Celebrity Burnout Boyfriends

Inspired by the once rumored relationship between Lana Del Ray and Axl Rose (jealous!), I had to ask myself, “Well, how do I get me one of those.  Wait, who are my ‘those?’”

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4.  Blaine John Chaney (a.k.a. Beej)

As a former guitarist and vocalist for one of Minnesota’s all-time best/hottest bands, Beej Chaney is a hotmess.  Hot circa 1980 and a mess since always.  Last year, with parents in tow, I witnessed and jammed out to a Suburbs reunion show, complete with an awesomely awkward Beej appearance, at First Avenue.  Beej, however, could barely keep himself standing up.  Drug cocktail coma?  Totally tits rock ‘n’ roll.

 

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3.  Devon Sawa

I’ve never been one for blond beauties, but who could resist Devon Sawa circa 1996?  Answer: no one.  Well, except for me.  My tween/naive boner belonged to J.T.T. (who I think would pair quite nicely with “heterosexual” Macaulay Culkin).  As a grown woman, however, it’s now difficult for me to resist that bloated, D-list look about a man.

 

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2.  Jeremy London

  1. VH1 Celebrity Rehab
  2. Claimed kidnapping
  3. Mallrats

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1.  Edward Furlong

Me-OW!

 

Why four and not five?  Because.  I’m le tired and already have a lot of work ahead of me if I’m going to start chipping away on these four.

 

Here’s to hoping for a new +1 in the near future! 

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