Ellen’s Top 4 Celebrity Burnout Boyfriends

Inspired by the once rumored relationship between Lana Del Ray and Axl Rose (jealous!), I had to ask myself, “Well, how do I get me one of those.  Wait, who are my ‘those?’”


4.  Blaine John Chaney (a.k.a. Beej)

As a former guitarist and vocalist for one of Minnesota’s all-time best/hottest bands, Beej Chaney is a hotmess.  Hot circa 1980 and a mess since always.  Last year, with parents in tow, I witnessed and jammed out to a Suburbs reunion show, complete with an awesomely awkward Beej appearance, at First Avenue.  Beej, however, could barely keep himself standing up.  Drug cocktail coma?  Totally tits rock ‘n’ roll.




3.  Devon Sawa

I’ve never been one for blond beauties, but who could resist Devon Sawa circa 1996?  Answer: no one.  Well, except for me.  My tween/naive boner belonged to J.T.T. (who I think would pair quite nicely with “heterosexual” Macaulay Culkin).  As a grown woman, however, it’s now difficult for me to resist that bloated, D-list look about a man.



2.  Jeremy London

  1. VH1 Celebrity Rehab
  2. Claimed kidnapping
  3. Mallrats


1.  Edward Furlong



Why four and not five?  Because.  I’m le tired and already have a lot of work ahead of me if I’m going to start chipping away on these four.


Here’s to hoping for a new +1 in the near future! 

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