Doin’ it to the 80’s

Dearest Readers,

I set out to make a staggeringly perfect workout playlist partially for me to use in my ploy to dominate at the gym, partially to share with you all! How nice of me.  The workout playlist has always been a struggle for me– an illusive beast– as most of my music elicits the following symptoms:

and, most importantly 

  • boot tappin’ all around the town (namely to see these guys on Mondays at the Turf Club)

Are any of these symptoms conducive to working out?  No, sir/madame! If you’ve had the patience to indulge in a slice of my (above) YouTube favs, good for you.  But that does nothing in our quest to birth a perfect musical orb of heart-pumping, fist-punching (sure, why not?) jam awesome!!  URG!!! My disdain for even saying words like “heart pumping” and “jam awesome” PROVES WHY I HATE  HEART-PUMPING, JAM AWESOME music.  I would rather clip my grandma’s toenails to some nice Hank Williams than listen to a remix of any of those schiesty KDWB songs.  SORRY.  Anyway, it’s good for those you who like that kind of jam, cause Hank really doesn’t make one want to do much other than eat fried okra and wallow, so you’ve got a HUGE workout playlist advantage. (But good luck in your next cowboy brawl.)

Molly Nelson’s asshole-ness aside, I REALLY DID try to create a successful, well-rounded playlist to share.  Then I went through and deleted some songs to refine it… and I ended up with overwhelmingly 80’s crap.  Yes, we all know that even great musicians like Bob Dylan sucked in the 80’s, but I’ll be damned if I don’t want to sweat into my neon sweat bands when I PUMP THIS STUFF.  (You’ll need Spotify, but hey, it’s probably time to jump the wagon if you haven’t yet).  It’s not the great revelation I was hoping for, in fact you all probably jam out to Madonna’s Immaculate Collection on ellipticals across the USA already, but hey, at least you know I’m not trying to burn cals on the Patsy Cline plan anymore.  And isn’t that worth something?

What are your favorite gym jams?!


One thought on “Doin’ it to the 80’s

  1. Baby Got Back is Track #1 on my “Motivation” playlist, which is designed to be cranked when hitting that wall at mile 3 of 4. (If I was allowed to run right now).
    Also Git Low and other backbeat booty shakers that send a power wave of bass through my legs. Supplemented with some light hearted ghetto classics like “What’s Your Fantasy?”
    …and some pop punk/ska punk from now defunct bands of eastern Nebraska. I like smiling while my legs and lungs and sweat glands are crying.

    And also some Bing Crosby and Andrews Sisters.
    It’s pretty much the most random playlist ever. I doubt Bing would ever have imagined being sandwiched between Luda’ and Neutral Milk Hotel. But hey, I doubt he had any day-glo headbands, either.

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