Almost every Friday morning throughout our three years of living together at college, Molly and I would kick off our weekend by blasting The Cure’s Friday I’m in Love before truffle shuffling off to an 8:00 a.m. class. It was Friday and we were both in love with college life (see below and note that we were also in love with themed parties).
Six years of Fridays later and I’m still in love, only now it’s adult life that I’m in love with (as I blog from my bed on a Friday afternoon). Thinking that I needed to fill some sort of love void, I joined a dating website last November and have been the most actively inactive user on the site to date. Wait. I take that back. I have a complete profile, answered a few handfuls of public questions, and posted a few too hot to handle profile pictures (not), which is more than a select group of ghost users. Overwhelmed by the entire process, I was/am in no place to judge cyber profiles looking for love. Therefore, out of the 120+ messages I received over the past four months, I have not responded to any (aside from two messages from real world friends). You do it to yourself, Ellen.
“It’s all a numbers game,” as one of my good friends likes to put it. And she’d know! Over a year and a half ago she met her boyfriend through an online dating website. In fact, we all know a handful of friends, relatives, and classmates who coupled up with their cyber romances. It’s a legit way to meet Mr. Right or Mrs. Right, but in my tiny world right now my game is focused on other things. Before I say goodbye to internet dating, or just continue on my journey of active inactivity, I decided to spend some time to read through my unread messages. Overall, it was a lackluster reading session with a few laughable and WTF moments. Below are some of my favorite snippets sent from a select cyber pool of the Twin Cities’ eligible bachelors and my immediate mental responses.
*I want to note that I know how much effort it takes to reach out to someone in the name of potential love. It takes serious man and lady balls to get the job done!
**Also, boo to me for not responding to those who deserve a response.
“…You have a really nice smille. How on earth are you even single?”
I KNOW, RIGHT?! Thank you, Mom and Dad, for dropping tons of $$$$ on my smille!
“Good morning 🙂 my name is XXXXXXX and by your profile and what I can see in your eyes and cool style… You in my eyes are jaw dropping & stunning!!! My goodness!! … I’m a a massage therapist – photographer – musician so…”
Why did I not message you back, now disabled user?! I love a good compliment shower in the morning and your trifecta of professions is every (cheese-loving) woman’s wet dream. I can’t torment myself by trying to picture what our first day would have looked like.
“Hey how’s it going, could we talk some time?…”
It’s going well, but I don’t want to talk sometime because it sounds like you’re already breaking up with me.
“Nice jeansuit haha”
I know, that’s why I put a picture of me in it on the internet. Plus, didn’t your mother tell you to never cyber laugh at a lady? Rude. No jeansuit for you. Denim Queen has spoken.
“hi miss yummy, how are you :)”
I was feeling pretty okay until you called me “yummy.”
“I’m in love with your gorgeous smile and that short hair. Have you dated chocolate before?”
I like to think chocolate and I have a pretty close relationship. I once ate half of a chocolate cake the day after I raged on my 27th birthday. Does that count as dating?
“Okcupid has a new deal. Go on a fun first date with me and you’ll get the second date free.”
Does that mean I pay for the first date? I’m confused.
“…Finally – how do you feel about sarcasm?”
It’s the worst *rolls eyes, points banana gun towards own head*
“Also, I like how you’re trying to wean yourself off spellchecker in regards to ‘occasionally’, I think we all have a few words here and there that are brains stubbornly refuse to spell correctly. It takes time and effort, but making oneself better, even in small ways, is a very important aspect of life.”
Great insight. Looks like you’re on a similar journey as well.
Get your Friday lovin’ on where ever you may find it!
Hearts + Farts
P.S. I shall leave you with this 50 Shades of Greyesque message sent to me last December. I have nothing else to say about this except that the person who sent it to me was almost immediately kicked off of the website.
.well she was working from home that day. dressed in just a pair of shorts and a tank she wasn’t really prepared for visitors, i thought why not stop by though. she had told me the day was awfully stressfull over texts, so maybe i could help. i let myself in, saw her on the computer agonizing over the last project she is trying to finally finish. i thought i may have a good hour over lunch before i have to be back to the office….could i help? i slowly walked, without her knowing, closer to her in the chair. my hands slid over her shoulders, her skin milky smooth as i massaged her neck and shoulders…..a gently moan came from her lips as i slid my hands down past her shoulders around her edges of her nipples..tickling them slowly, my fingers ran across them gently as they hardened. she uncrossed her legs and began to moan even louder. i slipped off her top exposing her beautiful breasts and flipped her around…taking them into my mouth one by one..my c*ck growing in my pants..