Non-Frumpy Winter Loungewear

Winter traps us in our homes, offering Netflix and couches perfectly indented by our winter butts as a consolation.  Sure, we could come home from work, make dinner, clean up, and go… christ a’mighty.  I’ve lost my motivation to venture out just thinking about it.

So here we are.  A bunch of loafs.  We joke about it with friends and coworkers.  We share binge-watching recommendations.  We wear paint-stained fleece pants from 2002, making us barely presentable to answer the door.  And that’s only if the visitor is a Greenpeace solicitor in equally vintage sweats.

I implore you, friends: to act like a loaf does not require one to look like a loaf.  Maintaining at least a little self-esteem is crucial in such times.

As in any fine work of cinema, this revelation came to me as I noticed myself in the mirror.  I slowly examined my face, then scanned my grubtacular frump. “No! NO!  What have I become!?” I cried. “There has to be a better way!”

So, I dashed to the car and drove to Bloomingdales.  Or rather, I walked with moderate fervor. To my computer. I knew the great Oz/the internet could help.

To my dismay, Google shrugged when I demanded “non-frumpy vintage warm yet flattering sexy winter loungewear -fleece”.  After considerable commitment to cracking the search algorithms that failed me, my clear vision faded.  Prolonged internet shopping had rendered me susceptible to weird sh*t on Etsy. So I bought this:


A floor-length, vintage, acrylic HOODIE!?  What went wrong?  Nothing, because it clearly fits all criteria.  Especially “sexy”.  Never mind that when I (reluctantly) showed my husband he said, “Ha!  That looks exactly like a robe my mom used to wear!”  I frowned as the internet undoubtedly laughed its vengeful laugh.  Sensing my disheartenment, he added, “That’s not a bad thing; I loved my mom!”



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Please contact me with any leads.

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