How to Wear a Dickey

Reader, you don’t need a how-to, because dickeys go with evvverything! Watch:

Athletic Wear

baseball

Going out for DQ after the big Little League game?* Warm up in that Brazier and gain respect of other Dilly Bar patrons with a wool sweater dickey! The crowd parts ways as you enter and everyone looks in awe at that fuzzy dick’. Or they’ll be looking at their phones and not notice you exist… when I pictured Little League, I was thinking back to 1994. In either case, coach is buying the treats tonight!

Picnic Wear

picnic

Dickey magic hums in this picnic-ready ensemble. Do the colors match? Allllmost. Does it matter? Nope, now pass me the egg salad. Prone to spills? Doff that dickey after dinner! So practical.

Lounge Wear

nightie2

Recognize this red beast? Well, it sometimes leaves the neck susceptible to drafts, and as I near 30, I am much more susceptible to drafts in general. Plus, it makes those NARAL solicitors take you seriously when you say, “I’ll sign your petition, but I just don’t have the money right now.”

America Wear

americadick

What’s more American than doing whatever the f*ck you want? Pop a collar under a $6 Marshall’s tee, jump on the back of a bald eagle, and fly to the food co-op for a shot of freshly juiced lemongrass (also $6). You’ve made it!

 

 

*I was the bat girl for my brother’s Little League team. The coach was the owner of the local DQ franchise, and treated the team after every single game. This may have been my primary motivation, as I have not participated in an organized sport since.

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