We are All Judgemental Assholes: The Rural/Urban Divide

Urban people are not assholes if they:

  • sprinkle nutritional yeast and drizzle melted ghee on popcorn
  • sip locally-roasted brew while working on their Macbook Airs in coffee shops while St. Vincent plays
  • bike 10 miles to work everyday in the winter because they care about their impact on the environment
  • participate in Black Lives Matter protests, even though they’re fortunate and white
  • buy the Stranger Things soundtrack on vinyl
  • complain about the quality of a play they paid $65 to see
  • eat avocado toast and go to yoga every morning
  • find spiritual healing at a meditation center
  • drink local bourbon barrel-aged beer
  • travel to India to increase their cultural awareness
  • decide not to have kids because of the uncertain environmental future of their planet
  • keep in touch with their favorite professors from their small, liberal arts alma mater
  • binge-watched Making a Murderer, found it a fascinating glimpse into rural life
  • ask for donations to Planned Parenthood for Christmas instead of gifts
  • talk about their outrage surrounding human rights violations
  • can’t believe Google Maps says the nearest coffee shop is a 45 minute drive from the rural lake town they’re visiting for 4th of July
  • think of the movie Deliverance while canoeing
  • order a salad (hold the ham and chicken) and a baked potato (hold the bacon) when dining in a small town restaurant


Rural people are not assholes if they:

  • eat Swanson Chicken Pot Pies sometimes when they’re tired after a long day of work
  • drive to a nearby store instead of walking because it’s easier
  • listen to the local country music station
  • go to church every Sunday
  • buy GMO produce because it’s cheaper and looks nicer
  • drink Coors Light while attending a Friday night fundraiser dance at the Fire Station to benefit a local woman with a life-threatening illness
  • say, “Well, that’s differ’nt” about some new, brightly-colored benches in the city park
  • study auto mechanics at a tech school
  • have never met a transgender person
  • vacation at a resort in Florida to relax and recharge
  • have three kids before the age of 30
  • direct the children’s Christmas program at their church
  • talk about their outrage regarding tax hikes
  • binge-watched Portlandia, laughing at how ridiculous city-people can be
  • get so stressed out driving to and parking in the city that they can’t enjoy the pro baseball game they paid so much to see
  • can’t pronounce “quinoa”, have never heard of ghee
  • think it’s funny to ask an urban person how far away something is and they respond in minutes instead of miles



  • feel judged when we’re out of our comfort zones
  • are assholes who micro-judge and oversimplify other people’s experience

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