New Header, New You(s)!

Ellen and I have had raging lady crushes on the work of illustrator Emily Joynton for some time now– take a look, and you’ll see why. We decided to put our money where our lady boners are, and hire her to create a new header graphic for 2G4C!

We sent her an email with horrifying reference imagery: Continue reading “New Header, New You(s)!”

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(Variety Show) Birth Reflections & Video Proof It Happened

One month postpartum (of the creative endeavor kind) and we are more depressed now than ever. We’re already starved for the stage, the lights, the palpable energy, the endless amounts of Sambuca sipping turned chugging, the adoring and somewhat confused audience. CAN WE PLEASE REWIND TIME AND RELIVE THE GLORY!?

Through the power of technology WE CAN. Continue reading “(Variety Show) Birth Reflections & Video Proof It Happened”

Iron Filly: Preliminary A$$e$$ment$ for FITs

It was a bright and crisp Sunday morning on the corner of 28th and Lyndale. Sprits were high and hangovers were absent – a true rarity for us on a Sabbath morning for the past 9 years – as we met outside the doors of The Shed with Couch* ML, eldest offspring of and understudy to Lion Bob, for a morning of physical fitness testing and thigh burning fun.

It was prelim testing day for us Fillies in Training (FITs); with tasks at hand, Couch got down to business and made us warm up like a couple of pubey teens. At this point in the pursuit of equestriandom, we’d each been on the workout train for a handful of weeks (see visual below) and could already tell that our bodies were growing stronger as we focused on pumping iron and ridding our bodies of booze, cheese, and sins. Yee-haw, little Fillies!

cabbage patch

We ponied up and got to getting. We were full of the Spirit, aka endorphin high from wearing patterned spandex, and were amazed at how “well” we did at not dying and raged on finishing most of our preliminary assessments. For the assessments we didn’t complete within the walls of The Shed’s sanctuary of fitness, we finished on our own #HonorCodeForLife

Here’s how we fared:

Goal Molly Ellen
Run 1.5 miles Faster than 12:40 15:42 15:20
Run 600 yards Faster than 2:15 2:41 2:38
1 Minute Toe Push-ups Minimum of 35 11 13
Continual Body Squats 200 95 140
Straight Plank Minimum of 2 minutes 1:47 1:03
Back Plank Minimum of 2 minutes 1:31 :39
Left Side Plank Minimum of 1:30 minutes 1:05 :57
Right Side Plank Minimum 1:30 minutes 1:04 1:00
Hang-clean-to-press* 75% of body weight
Horizontal Pull-ups*

*In limbo.

Watch us struggle!

ellenpushup

 Resolute Roth pushups her self to glory as Couch ML insists she achieve perfect form by touching titty to towel.

mollypushup

Neon Nelson collapses after a whopping 11 toe pushups; 10 more than her previous PR (that is how fit kids say ‘personal record’, or so my gym observations tell me).

ellensquat

Already a squat queen, Ellen taps into a mystical zen state of mind as she kills it with an astounding 140 Continual Body Squats.  Only 60 more to go, FIT!

mollyplank

A disciplined school girl, Molly holds still in a plank until her abs cry out for mercy.  13 more seconds to Filly-dom, little one!  Now go get on those Push-ups…

In conclusion, we FITs have some work to do. And if you’re goal-/prize-oriented mongers like us, you know we’ll get there come hell or high snow (especially if we promise ourself goodies like custom Iron Filly t-shirts, headbands, sweatbands, towels, water bottles, carrot salads and salt licks once we reach the finish line.  CUSTOM HEADBANDS?!  We’ll definitely go the distance for those).

Want in on the prize/fitness-glory wagon?  All you have to do is devote a little of your time, sweat, and pony heart to becoming an Iron Filly.  E-mail us at 2girls4chins@gmail.com if you’re interested in saddling up- it’s not too late (…but it almost is, so get on it)!

 

Hearts + Farts / GIT IT

 

*I accidentally asked Maggie, via Gchat, if I could refer to her as “Couch ML” when I mean to type “Coach ML”. End of story. Couch it shall remain.

 

Drop Down, Get Your Filly™ On

​Spring has (half) sprung and so has the button on my jeans. Wait. I DON’T WEAR JEANS. I guess spring has sprung and the patterns on my leggings have stretched to white. It’s time to shed the elastic waistbands and tarp-like draperies of yester season and Iron Filly™ our way into seedtime* happiness. Molly and I are, once again for the millionth attempt, on the cusp of committing to fitness in preparation for the spring hornies, sleeveless dresses, and sweaty summer nights. And the only way we’re going to get there – at least for this year – is by way of the Iron Filly™.

Once upon a time, our dear friend Maggie, cherub of great hair and smooth skin, told us of a fitness badge of honor called Iron Filly™. Developed in the bowels of a Casper, Wyoming high school by Lion Bob** – Maggie’s father, award-winning physical educator, and Voice of the Mustangs – the Iron Filly™ is a set of physical fitness tests specifically designed for pubescent high school girls. The Iron Filly™ encourages the youth of womanhood to challenge themselves both physically and mentally as they spend months training to earn their badge as an Iron Filly™.

Even though we trade eye shadow glitter sticks and incessantly talk about boys, we are no longer pubescent high school girls. Back in the glory days of bangs and braces, neither of us had the option in Town of One Stoplight and Three Trailer Park Suburb to even try to earn Iron Filly™ status. And being the band nerds we were (and still are, for once a band nerd, always a band nerd), neither of us made physical prowess a priority during our pubey years; brass and woodwind trumped all in those days.

Then along came an opportunity to help turn a couple of plush, bass and treble clef-loving ladies into equestrian nymphs. Out of the goodness of his physical educator heart, Lion Bob took time out of retirement to coach up and rework the Iron Filly™ program to accommodate two late-twenty-something flapjacks. We gave ourselves three months to train for the Iron Filly™ – half the amount of time that Lion Bob used to give pubey high schoolers – culminating with a FINAL TEST in early July. SUMMER SANS FLUBBIN’, HERE WE COME!

iron filly

As Minnesota continues to trudge through winter’s lingering hell, we got a jump-start on training separately and completed preliminary Filly™ testing to gauge how much work we each need to put in over the next three months***. Below is the list of physical fitness tests that we must – AND WILL– complete in July in order to call ourselves true Iron Fillies™.

  • Run 1.5 miles:    < 12:40 minutes
  • Run 600 yards:   < 2:15 minutes
  • 1 minute of toe push-ups:    > 30
  • Body-weight squats:    200 continual reps
  • Straight plank:    > 2 minutes
  • Back plank:        > 2 minutes
  • Side plank:       > 1.5 minutes on each side
  • Hang-clean-to-press with 75% of your body weight
  • 1 minute of pull-ups done with a red exercise band – We may do an alternative assessment instead of the pull-ups

Sure, you could passively read about our Filly™ flops and victories from the comfort of your chip-crumb laden sweatpants that you’ve had since freshman year of college, but maybe it’s time to get up and join us in the challenge! Email 2girls4chins@gmail.com if you’re in the mood for a mind- slash body-altering challenge in which you could win terrific spandex prizes while being supported by a community of Fillies on the rise. We’ll email you Iron Filly™ specifics, lots of cyber love, and fun chin shotz!

Please note that the Iron Filly™ program is designed for women. If you’re a man and would like to participate, we’ll consult Lion Bob to adjust the fitness assessments for your peen-wielding body. We also recommend that people wanting to take on the challenge should build a little bit of a fitness base, if you don’t already have one, before diving into the preliminary tests.

Morphin' Time

Hearts + Farts / GIT IT

*Seedtime, as Encarta Dictionary tells me, is the time of year when seeds are planted. In the Midwest, I think that means spring.

** Fun fact: Lion Bob was one of the country’s first physical educators to develop women’s-only PE courses based on the fact that women’s physiology is different from men’s. I am woman, HEAR ME ROAR.

***Stay tuned for our Iron Filly™  preliminary testing photos, expletives, and results.

The Molly Nelson Guide to Being [read: Staying] Single: the GIFs

1. Move to a studio apartment in a decidedly less-fun and much older city (sorry, St. Paul).

2. Adopt a kitty cat and love her with all your heart.  Talk about her to people who seem especially disinterested.  Use a special lilt in your voice when speaking her (precious) name.

3. Read/watch documentaries about organic farming.  Make pals with the vegetables you buy at the farmer’s market and co-op.

4. Talk to handsome men about how you’d love to spend all your free time making tiny models of furniture and dream living spaces.

5. Vomit on yourself when a man compliments your workout at the gym.  It’s ok, girl!  Those are just nerves!

6.  Look at yourself in the mirror every night and think “Couldn’t my asymmetrical haircut be just a little more asymmetrical?”

7. Make unflattering GIFs of yourself at home on a Wednesday night.

And remember: they’re all just intimidated by your beauty and charisma.

GIT IT