Vintage Fatty Photo #15: Underwear + Tights = Pants

vintage fatty

It was an amped up Friday or Saturday night back in 2005, and this is what we wore as we pranced around campus thinking we were the two hottest sophomore lollipops around.  I can’t say that it’s the worst outfit I’ve ever worn, but the tights plus underwear combo is definitely one of the least complete outfits that I’ve had the ladyballs to wear in public. What’s perhaps even more embarrassing is the fact that I still own the pink polka dot pair of Vikki’s Secret (and that I let Molly borrow them for an evening of dorm hopping and Bacardi Limon shots). Woof.

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Vintage Fatty Photo #14: Snacking to Victory, 2007

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAm&ms+cheezits+puppychow+twizzlers+goldenoreos+pretzels+mysterybowls+elasticwaistbands = glubbin’ chin glub!  This was probably our dinner.  I can guarantee that I ate the majority of that puppy chow (note my strategic proximity), and aaaalllmost wish I could go back there for 20 snacktacular minutes.  “No parents, no rules, PARTY ALL THE TIME!!” was probably not the healthiest motto, but ‘health’ was probably the worst party theme, and party trumped all. Not that this looks like a party, just a normal Tuesday night in the ArtHouse, god bless us.


Vintage Fatty Photo #8: Fatty to the MAX

Let’s kick this off with a couple of classics.  This phase of my life ( 5th – 6th grade) was quite…oh, how should I say…rough.  After my parents’ divorce just two years prior to these pictures, I started to pack on the pounds with help from fast food, french onion dip, stress, and everyone’s favorite – puberty!  On a happier note, please notice my babealicious  motherhole and cutehole of a sister.


When I look at these pictures I can hardly recognize me in them.  However, when I think back to my younger years, I vividly remember what kind of person I was – goofy, shy, self-conscious, and the kinds of thoughts I used to have.  Even though I can hardly recognize myself physically I can still connect with my younger self intrinsically. 

The top picture is from 4th or 5th grade and the bottom from 7th.  Please notice 1. my slight unibrow in the top photo (holler!) 2. my sister and my über sexy oval glasses in the bottom  3. I still smile that same rectangle smile and 4. Mother is smokin’!


 This is one of my all time favorite Roth family photos.  This gem was snapped on a Caribbean cruise during my 8th grade year.  Look how exotic we look!  That’s right, we rocked it out in true Roth style – clip on sunglasses, socks with sandals, braided and beaded hair, bangs, braces, and a babealicious mother.  My sister and I still give our parents a hard time for “letting us look so ugly.”  We all have our transition years, right?  Well, ours just seemed a little rougher and longer than most.



Hearts+Vintage Fatty Farts


Art House Chins

We like to bring our nearest and dearest friends along for the ride.

Reunions: when nothing brings back fond, old memories like neck fat.  A wonderful accessory to sequins!

There is always someone who decides not to go for it, and thus look hotter than everyone else by comparison.  Sorry, Charlotte and Natalie; you actually look foolish.  Same to you boys in the background.

Some prefer the open-yer-mouth method to roll out the chub, while the old schoolers slide it out nice and easy.


p.s. With only a couple days before Meltdown weigh-outs, I’m proud to say that I am still rocking a fatty tootsie roll amount of chin.  Though it may be less than my former Swiss Cake Roll, girl’s gotta have something.  We’ll see what hot yoga+kickboxing+lemon water+spinach have to say about that tomorrow. (In my dreams, I eat cake).  Seriously though, I do eat a lot of peanut butter toast.  With honey.  Over and out.

Vintage Fatty Photo #6: A Toast to Junior Year


Firstly, notice those babe friends inbetwixt Molly and me.  Aren’t they cute?  Secondly, notice the incredibly cheap/sad beers in our hands as we make a toast to commemorate the beginning of our junior year at college.  Amen, little sisters and brothers.  Amen.  Thirdly, notice the sheer girth of midsections going on.  Yikes.  Now That’s What I Call Spare Tire 12!  Listen to all of today’s hit spare tire songs like, “Dang, That Muffin Was Tasty” and “Pass Me Another Pabst.”  Fourthly, notice the Iron Filly (2005) t-shirt I’m flaunting whilst making a toast in an un Iron Filly respect.  I done Iron Fillies across this great country wrong.  I apologize for my insulting past actions, but now I wear my Iron Filly 2005 with a sense of responsibility and pride. 

Ride on, Fillies.

Vintage Fatty Photo #5: Freshmen Fatties

The year, 2004.  The occasion, Leonardo Di Caprio’s political campaign for John Kerry blah blah we didn’t really care.  We were four rows away from a panty-melting celebrity, and we could hardly contain our excitement (Molly especially.  Moll, was it 3 or 4 times you saw Titanic on the big screen? 5 times. 5.).

Let’s face it, the first year of college is rough for everyone.  We all had to say goodbye to friends and family, share a room with a stranger, create a  “unique” style (e.g.  awful bleached bangs),  make and impress new friends, and stay on top of academics.   To escape from it all, we’d spend hours in the cafeteria stuffing our faces and loitering in conversation until homework called us back to reality.   No meal was complete without two plates of entrees and dessert was mandatory.  Shame on you, gourmet buffet.  Shame!  And shame on us for our grubby Leo-lovin, pudding-popping, burger-basted hands.  Oops.  The pudding went straight to muh face, I guess.

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