How Not To Embarrass Yourself In The Presence Of A (Local) Celebrity

Once upon a time earlier this week, 2G4C attended a book launch event for a Local Celebrity/Role Model. With hearts aflutter we waited 45 minutes to meet LC/RM* and purchase her debut book. Not much for Celeb encounters, we didn’t quite know what to do or say. The aftermath of said interaction was caught on cellphone film.

  • Introduce yourself to Celebrity, especially if you’re at a meet and greet event, before you start spewing nonsense or ask for a photograph/autograph/polygraphy/barograph/whatever.
  • Play it cool and be yourself. If you are naturally uncool or happen to loose the shard of cool you do have at the sight of Celebrity, have something somewhat smart/witty/flattering prepared as plan B.
  • Drink alcohol prior to interaction with Celebrity if you’re feeling particularly uncool and especially awkward. Where we fumbled, in hindsight, was opting for ice cold kombuchas instead of ice cold brewskis prior to conversing. Perhaps one beer each would’ve loosened us up just enough to have a pleasant interaction. Note: this tip is only an option if you have a planned interaction; it’s best to steer clear of celebrities if you happen upon them in the wild (read up on this masterfully illustrated wikiHow if you’re hoping to meet Celebs in the wild).
  • Dab your face with blotting paper/an old receipt/napkin/your shirt/toilet paper/moar makeup so it’s free of nervous perspiration/pepperoni grease from your sad lunch. Photo opts are best with matte faces and clenched smiles.
  • Remember: Celebs are just regular people but with better hair and things to say. They probably once fell over themselves while meeting a role model too.

 

 

* LC/RM = the horribly talented, inspirational, relatable, rad, kind, funny human, Nora McInerny Purmort. Pick up a copy of her debut book, It’s Okay to Laugh: (Crying is Cool Too), and read along with 2G4C Book Club Ahoy-hoy!

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Left: Stunning Awkward Rebounder   Center: Stunning LC/RM   Right: Stunning Greasy Pizza
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Behind the Closet: Ellen Roth

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Ellen and I met up on a titty-freezing Saturday morning for a much-needed catch up session over extravagant unicorn milk lattes at a favorite coffee shop.  We reflected on the impending demise of our 20s and pondered breathing a puff of life back into 2G4C (as we always seems to do in the new year).  What followed was an afternoon rollick through the storied closet of one of Pillsbury Avenue’s fashion greats, Ellen V. Roth.  

I asked her, in essence, “Where the f*ck did you get such divine style?


MWS: Ellen, I know you’ve been stylish since you started dressing yourself. Who have been your style icons through the years?

EVR: Firstly, I don’t consider myself particularly stylish: I just happen to occasionally fancy dressing up in outlandish outfits as if I were on a stage. I will admit I’m incredibly  #blessed with a BABE ALERT mother who has impeccable taste and an eye for style (voted “Best Dressed” in junior high and she STILL knows what’s up). Other icons/inspirations throughout the years include, and are not limited to: In Living Color’s Fly GirlsdELiA*s,  ​Pantone​, and The Man Repeller.

MWS: What are some regrettable style phases you’ve gone through?

EVR: The Wall Shirt Era (1997 – 2002 CE) was the lowest point in my style evolution. Embarrassed of my growing chesticles and waist size, I attempted to hide everything by wearing unfortunately large shirts and (kick ass) wide leg jeans. We all know that baggy + tight = hawt and baggy + baggy = sad sack of potatoes. The Wall Shirt Era marked a prolonged, awkward, transitional period in my personal life and style.

MWS: How do you think Future Ellen would describe your current style?

EVR: Thrifted grandma at a Robyn concert in Bangkok​.

MWS: If you found out that Future Ellen wears only Cheetos-stained sweatpants and works from home, what would you want to say to her (don’t worry though, I’m sure she doesn’t).

EVR: Ellen, it’s time you put down the Cheetos and​ confront your addiction to monosodium glutamate. Shed those fingerpainted, orange-stained sweats and wrap your sad body in sequins, fur, and a tight pair of spandex leggings and PLUCK THE DAY.

MWS: Do you have any forecasts for 2016?​ ​​

EVR: Cloudy with a chance of ladyballs.


​Then I took 400 photos and felt so very alive with the magic of Ellen.

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Above: Fur vest; Jr. League Thrift Store, Sioux City. Sequined pants; gift from a girlfriend. Clogs; Sven.

Ellen’s ready for a day of volunteering at a Habitat for Humanity build in this chic ensemble of squirrel and sequin.  Who says you need to dress like a frumpy disaster while swinging a hammer?

“Oh, the humanity.”

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Above: Dress; vintage, handmade hand-me-down from cousin’s mother. Shoes; John Fluevog.

Ellen’s ready for an afternoon of cruising in her friend’s husband’s classic convertible followed by an evening of classic eating at Annie’s Parlor in this paralyzingly short ensemble. Bring a towel to sit on, girl; you don’t want your new butt tattoo to rip off on that hot vinyl!

“Double butterscotch malt, please!”

BAPTISM

Above: Hat; study abroad trip in China. Cannibal Corpse Tee; ex-boyfriend collection. Skirt; gift from a girlfriend.

Ellen’s ready for her cousin’s baby’s baptism in this whimsical ensemble of grotesque metal band tee and festive hat ensemble. The contrast of innocence and flesh-ripping zombie imagery almost begs the pastor to perform an emergency adult baptism!

“In one spirit we were baptized by thy word. Even Ellen.”

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Above: Dress; vintage hand-me-down from cousin’s mother who may or may not have originally worn to sorority formal. Boots; hand-me-down motorcycling accessory from Mother Roth.

Ellen’s ready for a Babes in Toyland show at First Ave in this navy and black, don’t-talk-to-me ensemble.  Feisty femmes, beer, punk rock.  That’ll put hair on your lady bits!

“Check out that Handsome Gretel, but don’t talk to her or she’ll rip your face off.”

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Above: Tee; study abroad trip in Japan.  Windbreakers; Savers. Slippers; Rewind Minneapolis.

Ellen’s ready for a Saturday morning nap during our photo shoot in this neon ensemble.

“Breaking wind in windbreakers.”

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Above: Dress; Unique Thrift.

Ellen’s ready for …? We’re not sure, as this is free-loving garment has spent years hiding in the bowels of her closet.  In any case, we think she’d make Christ the Redeemer proud.

“Peace, love, and 2 pounds of embroidery thread.”

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Above: Coat; gift from a girlfriend who inherited from grandma. Shoes; Rewind Minneapolis.

Ellen’s ready to eat a crumbly scone at book club in this chic, grandmother-approved mohair ensemble. Don’t forget to brush those crumbs off before your date with Gorgon Heap later!

“Toodles!”

Iron Filly: Preliminary A$$e$$ment$ for FITs

It was a bright and crisp Sunday morning on the corner of 28th and Lyndale. Sprits were high and hangovers were absent – a true rarity for us on a Sabbath morning for the past 9 years – as we met outside the doors of The Shed with Couch* ML, eldest offspring of and understudy to Lion Bob, for a morning of physical fitness testing and thigh burning fun.

It was prelim testing day for us Fillies in Training (FITs); with tasks at hand, Couch got down to business and made us warm up like a couple of pubey teens. At this point in the pursuit of equestriandom, we’d each been on the workout train for a handful of weeks (see visual below) and could already tell that our bodies were growing stronger as we focused on pumping iron and ridding our bodies of booze, cheese, and sins. Yee-haw, little Fillies!

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We ponied up and got to getting. We were full of the Spirit, aka endorphin high from wearing patterned spandex, and were amazed at how “well” we did at not dying and raged on finishing most of our preliminary assessments. For the assessments we didn’t complete within the walls of The Shed’s sanctuary of fitness, we finished on our own #HonorCodeForLife

Here’s how we fared:

Goal Molly Ellen
Run 1.5 miles Faster than 12:40 15:42 15:20
Run 600 yards Faster than 2:15 2:41 2:38
1 Minute Toe Push-ups Minimum of 35 11 13
Continual Body Squats 200 95 140
Straight Plank Minimum of 2 minutes 1:47 1:03
Back Plank Minimum of 2 minutes 1:31 :39
Left Side Plank Minimum of 1:30 minutes 1:05 :57
Right Side Plank Minimum 1:30 minutes 1:04 1:00
Hang-clean-to-press* 75% of body weight
Horizontal Pull-ups*

*In limbo.

Watch us struggle!

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 Resolute Roth pushups her self to glory as Couch ML insists she achieve perfect form by touching titty to towel.

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Neon Nelson collapses after a whopping 11 toe pushups; 10 more than her previous PR (that is how fit kids say ‘personal record’, or so my gym observations tell me).

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Already a squat queen, Ellen taps into a mystical zen state of mind as she kills it with an astounding 140 Continual Body Squats.  Only 60 more to go, FIT!

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A disciplined school girl, Molly holds still in a plank until her abs cry out for mercy.  13 more seconds to Filly-dom, little one!  Now go get on those Push-ups…

In conclusion, we FITs have some work to do. And if you’re goal-/prize-oriented mongers like us, you know we’ll get there come hell or high snow (especially if we promise ourself goodies like custom Iron Filly t-shirts, headbands, sweatbands, towels, water bottles, carrot salads and salt licks once we reach the finish line.  CUSTOM HEADBANDS?!  We’ll definitely go the distance for those).

Want in on the prize/fitness-glory wagon?  All you have to do is devote a little of your time, sweat, and pony heart to becoming an Iron Filly.  E-mail us at 2girls4chins@gmail.com if you’re interested in saddling up- it’s not too late (…but it almost is, so get on it)!

 

Hearts + Farts / GIT IT

 

*I accidentally asked Maggie, via Gchat, if I could refer to her as “Couch ML” when I mean to type “Coach ML”. End of story. Couch it shall remain.

 

PSA: Imposter Ellen+Molly Scam

This is a public service announcement from 2G4C.

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Twin City Residents and Guests:

On Friday, October 4, 2013, it was reported to the Craigslist community that an Ellen+Molly tag team was seen terrorizing a young man at an Uptown bar. These two females are considered highly dangerous. Armed with “sexy” singing and tales of English boyfriends, the perpatrators lure vulnerable/drunk men in exchange for booze and attention. DO NOT HEED THEIR SEXY SINGING. There is only one true, boobtastic Ellen+Molly duo in the Twin Cities area, and they are rarely caught outside of polyester-laced dive bars and boozy karaoke joints. It is obvious that these two imposters used the pseudo fame of2G4C to torment a young man, leaving him in a state of heartache and agony, possibly a case of raunchy blue b*lls, for two days after his initial encounter with the perps. The tried-and-true Ellen+Molly would never lure such a sad soul into a trap of sexy singing and lies of European lovers.

Please use caution when friending duos of Ellen and Molly. Don’t be fooled by phony phriends. Check their chin status.